So in response to the email I sent below, I received several replies. A few said, good idea, we agree, etc. But a few said things like, "keep your opinion at home, " "Our kids work hard and deserve a snack [meaning a sugary, pre-packaged deal]." These comments I disagreed with, but I could certainly handle. But, yesterday, I was called into a parent teacher conference, wherein the first 5 minutes we spent talking about O's progress and strengths.
Then the snack discussion.
O's teacher felt personally attacked by the note and so did some parents. She said emphatically no less than 7 times, that I was not to use the email list to address any of the other parents about anything. She informed that she was older than me, (as she sneered at my barely visible tattoo), and that I should come to her first. I didn't want to involve her in the discussion at all, not wanting her to get bogged down in a petty discussion amongst adults. I even tried to and thought I took her off of the email in the first place. She was not happy. So amongst adults, I understand that there are many times when we will not agree on issues such as food and health or even how to discuss such things, but my concern now turns to my son and the relationship that I all of sudden am developing with the woman that gets to spend 8 hours a day with him. Her disdain for me seemed obvious. She was professional in an unfriendly way. She made comments, such as "I am not sure THEY worked with him last year on handwriting." (Um, that would have been me, and yes I did, and he is a left-handed six year old boy, so his writing isn't perfect, and you knew "they" was me last year.) Mrs. B also commented that after 50 days of school, his handwriting should be better, and so should his ability to pay close attention to every word she says.
O has missed two days of school due to illness. He also missed Wednesday because I am on Fall Break and we wanted to do a few things as a family. She made SEVERAL snide comments about his absence. ("It was a REALLY bad day for him to miss." "I hope you had fun at your concert.")
I left wanting to cry. I felt punched in the gut. I questioned my parenting and my teaching. She had good things to say about O, but I left feeling very bad about the entire experience. I am a teacher and a professional. Normally, I am confident and kind. Our son is very smart and well behaved. He is interesting and interested. Yet none of these things came through in our discussion.
So, my question is this. How often do we as teacher's alienated the parents of our children. How often do we treat them as if they have made bad decision or haven't done a good job with their own kids? And, then after years and years of negative feelings with the school, we begin to complain about lack of parent involvement. If I were not in the profession, I might hesitate to speak with this woman again. She made me feel bad. Why would I put myself through that again? And, I have a sneaking, perhaps unjustified suspicion, that she will see my son in a different light based on her opinion of me. Does she give girls with neat handwriting whose moms can come to school weekly and clean off desks more attention, love, better grades, patience, opportunities. Does she do it subconsciously? Does she roll her eyes at my son if I forget to sign paperwork in the right place? His academic career, his love for school, his grades and thus possibly his next year's teacher's opinion of him will depend on her attitude toward him and me.
As a teacher, I must do better than this. I must be kind to the parents. I must try to understand them. I must not treat the kids differently based on parents. We must be on a team. And above all else, I must NOT make them feel unwelcome or uncomfortable discussing concerns. I will be a better teacher because of this meeting.
Now to suck up to O's teacher. Or am I too far gone?
O's teacher felt personally attacked by the note and so did some parents. She said emphatically no less than 7 times, that I was not to use the email list to address any of the other parents about anything. She informed that she was older than me, (as she sneered at my barely visible tattoo), and that I should come to her first. I didn't want to involve her in the discussion at all, not wanting her to get bogged down in a petty discussion amongst adults. I even tried to and thought I took her off of the email in the first place. She was not happy. So amongst adults, I understand that there are many times when we will not agree on issues such as food and health or even how to discuss such things, but my concern now turns to my son and the relationship that I all of sudden am developing with the woman that gets to spend 8 hours a day with him. Her disdain for me seemed obvious. She was professional in an unfriendly way. She made comments, such as "I am not sure THEY worked with him last year on handwriting." (Um, that would have been me, and yes I did, and he is a left-handed six year old boy, so his writing isn't perfect, and you knew "they" was me last year.) Mrs. B also commented that after 50 days of school, his handwriting should be better, and so should his ability to pay close attention to every word she says.
O has missed two days of school due to illness. He also missed Wednesday because I am on Fall Break and we wanted to do a few things as a family. She made SEVERAL snide comments about his absence. ("It was a REALLY bad day for him to miss." "I hope you had fun at your concert.")
I left wanting to cry. I felt punched in the gut. I questioned my parenting and my teaching. She had good things to say about O, but I left feeling very bad about the entire experience. I am a teacher and a professional. Normally, I am confident and kind. Our son is very smart and well behaved. He is interesting and interested. Yet none of these things came through in our discussion.
So, my question is this. How often do we as teacher's alienated the parents of our children. How often do we treat them as if they have made bad decision or haven't done a good job with their own kids? And, then after years and years of negative feelings with the school, we begin to complain about lack of parent involvement. If I were not in the profession, I might hesitate to speak with this woman again. She made me feel bad. Why would I put myself through that again? And, I have a sneaking, perhaps unjustified suspicion, that she will see my son in a different light based on her opinion of me. Does she give girls with neat handwriting whose moms can come to school weekly and clean off desks more attention, love, better grades, patience, opportunities. Does she do it subconsciously? Does she roll her eyes at my son if I forget to sign paperwork in the right place? His academic career, his love for school, his grades and thus possibly his next year's teacher's opinion of him will depend on her attitude toward him and me.
As a teacher, I must do better than this. I must be kind to the parents. I must try to understand them. I must not treat the kids differently based on parents. We must be on a team. And above all else, I must NOT make them feel unwelcome or uncomfortable discussing concerns. I will be a better teacher because of this meeting.
Now to suck up to O's teacher. Or am I too far gone?
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